Saturday 3 December 2016

Groaniad v The People an apology

Owing to an editorial oversight in yesterday's GROANIAD the article by Martin Kettle was mistakenly curtailed. It should have been titled twenty four ways of stopping Brexit, not four.
The ways missed out were:-

  1. Vote Liberal at every available election including parish councils
  2. Don't mention Britain joining the Euro
  3. Omit any mention of EU treatment of Greece
  4. Always picture Farage as a Buffoon, preferably drinking
  5. Describe the Brexit Three as fools and possibly corrupt
  6. Portray every problem as due to Brexit
  7. Emphasise the EU's love of Britain and its desire to be led by U.K.
  8. Highlight every EU hope to punish U.K. And ruin our economy
  9. Point out that they're only doing this for our own good
  10. Always describe tax fiddles by Luxembourg etc as due to the inefficiency of HMRC not duplicity by other EU members
  11. Warn that the City of London will collapse with Brexit
  12. Indicate that the house price bubble will burst
  13. Attack government as indecisive and unclear about what it wants
  14. Emphasise the benefits of immigration particularly to plumbing social care and brain surgery
  15. Urge government to go for a soft Brexit but don't say what it is
  16. Highlight the fear of EU immigrants of being deported
  17. Portray the terrors of British villa owners in Spain Italy and France at the possibility of their lovely homes being demolished
  18. Don't mention the UK's trade deficit with the EU or our surplus with the rest of the world
  19. Point out the social consequences of buying cheaper wine and butter from New Zealand in drunken obesity
  20. Portray the North of England as drunken half wits who deserve to be unemployed who should be deprived of the vote
  21. Anything else you can invent to frighten people
  22. Read the Guardian bringing you daily news of fresh Brigette disasters and not much else
  23. Protect the jobs of Britain's Euro MPs and officials and emphasise the dangers of turning them loose on our streets
  24. Underline the wisdom of Tony Blair and John Major and the growing realisation that the people were stupid,racist,ignorant,mislead and badly conned by voting for Brexit without understanding its consequences.

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