Important denouncement from the Groaniad

The people having rejected our advice and stupidly voted for Brexit,we've had complaints, largely from Grimsby, that every issue of the Groaniad has been banging on against Brexit. This great, liberal and democratic newspaper has no desire  to become a middle class Militant with each days edition  the same, all filled with stories news and opinion denouncing the dictatorship of the majority and showing Brexit in the worst possible light. The Snott trust has therefore decided to stop daily publication so as not to make  Britain as miserable as we are. Henceforth wise will  issue only one monthly consolidated edition of the Euro- Guardian. 

Each monthly edition  will guarantee :-

1) At least fifteen stories about the economic damage which will result from leaving the European Union.

1. Twelve stories about the damage to the NHS, education , employment and the loss of EU grants from Brexit
2. Five stories about the psychological damage to liberals ,health and race relations of Brexit.
3. A column by Polly Toynbee calling on the Labour Party to abandon its petty obsessions with feminism, ethnic diversity,housing,health and poverty and urging it to lead the nation against Brexit, whatever the consequences .
4. At last one article by Will Hutton warning on the damage to the Universities, Corporate governance, the City and his college's grant from the EU which will arise from leaving the EU
5. A letter from Europe by Natalie Nougayrede describing how much EU members will miss us,  the great opportunities Britain is throwing away to lead Europe and the loss of Pernod and Prosseco which will make the plebs miserable
6. A tirade from Owen Jones about the misery caused to the chaps of the Establishment  by the ill informed vandalism of under educated Chavs determined to undermine its long tradition of decency , civility and kindness to the poor and needy.
7. An article by Timothy Garton Ash warning that the EU will have no alternative to ruining the British economy,pushing unemployment up to Greek levels and devastating the City of London and the banks pour decourager les autres . The EU wants to keep Le Pen, Podemus and the AFD out of power not encourage Euro-scepticism in other members

8  A commentary by George Monbiot warning how unhappy British fishermen will be because Europeans are no longer able to catch their fish for them and showing why global warming will  be the inevitable result

9   A note by Larry Elliot saying we're in a big enough mess already

10  A letter from Mein Junker urging Britain to stay in and do dirty deals on taxes of the type which have made his country so prosperous.

11 Obituaries of Brexiteers cancelled. We will only publish regrets for departing Remainers. Their names remaineth for ever more. 

First edition of the New Euro-Guardian available to be published in Frankfort on the Ides of Brexit. Subscriptions (in Euros please) two Guardian House, O'Connell St, Dublin.

The tyranny of the majority

I woke up this morning to hear John Major denouncing "the tyrany of the majority" Shock horror!  Having discovered that the people hadn't done what he wanted on Europe was he now demanding a recount on the 1997 election result? Or as the voice of "Middle Europe" was he being fair to Gordon Brown by requiring the much closer election of 2010 to be re-run so that Osborne's disastrous policy of cure by killing could have been avoided.

No. He was merely joining the chorus of yesterday's men claiming that a referendum result which doesn't suit them must be reversed to produce the result they want. They claim that the people were conned, the result disastrous,ensuring that the country will slump into disaster all because the people were so stupid they didn't listen to them. 

John Major was applying to join the League of Failed Big Wigs ,President T.Blair, Vice Chairs Paddy Ashdown and Nick Clegg,rapporteurs Polly Toynbee, Bill Keegan and Will Hutton, country members Esther McVay and George Osborne. This powerful team is now organising a British resistance movement, to stop Britain becoming free,or at the very least sabotage its negotiating position and ensure that it's humbled by the wise men of Brussels

Their weapon is Operation Fear 2. Operation Fear 1 failed because it's predictions of immediate disaster from a no vote on the EU weren't frightening enough. So they've  doubled the dose. Now they  predict mass unemployment, a massive deficit, the collapse of the City and the car industry, unstoppable floods of immigrants and massive charges not to belong to the EU, unless Brexit is stopped before its even begun. The Commons must reject it. The democratic bastion of the Lords must stop it. The people must vote again . The EU loves us so much that it will destroy the British economy ,cripple the country  and collapse house prices as farewell gifts if we're so stupid as to leave its Elysian fields.

This isn't an underground like the wartime Maquis in France. The Remoaners are too posh to scratch their Rolexs , tear their tailoring or get their Saville Row pants dirty with that. Their weapons aren't guns but  pens  yielded for any organ which pay them. The Guardian,the New Statesman,  or the BBC. This is an overground elite force :the Euro-Guards. Their inspiration a re-write of Churchill: "We will fight them in the Board Rooms, in the Banks,on our Yachts. We will always surrender" Their reward not in heaven but in Europe. Preferably now and in Euros not depreciating pounds.Or jobs. 

 Be afraid,Ye Brexiters. Be very afraid. Your only hope now is that the people.who Remoaners tell us were stupid to vote for Brexit remain stupid enough to put this rubbish where it belongs. Junked in the Junker  can of history. 

Sent from my iPad

THE LONELINESS OF THE LABOUR BREXITEER

I once thought it was a mistake to have retired from politics. Labour's got itself into a major mess since I left and I could  have become a member of the shadow cabinet for at least a week. Now I'm not so sure  I'm learning that leprosy is better than being a Labour Brexiteer.  I dropped into my old haunt a few weeks back to be welcomed effusively by Tory Brexiteers but my former comrades in the struggle for socialism (or whatever it was, memory fails me) treated me  like a bad smell, an incipiant fascist, even a friend of Farage -who I've met and liked, though its better not to say so . 

Life's no fun any more. The referendum is over but all the organs I once turned to, the Guardian, the Observer, and the New Statresman are still fighting it and proclaiming Remain as the real winner.. The Gurus at whose feet I once worshipped;Will Hutton, William Keegan, Polly Toynbee are all so hysterically anti Brexit they want Labour to  use a Parliamentary strength it hasn't got to reject it . When it isn't developing suicide as a political strategy the party of the people is busy telling them they're wrong , stupid and gullible.They should  drop their dislike of immigration and follow Lady Curzon's advice to anxious wives  "lie back and think of England"It prompts the question "what shall they know of England who only Europe know?"

It's a bit bemusing to see the party of democracy rejecting its verdict and telling the people they're so stupid that they were conned by specious lies ( far less accurate than Remain's fears) and should gratefully accept the European policy of voting again to correct electoral mistakes.In only a quarter of a century we've stood on our heads on the EU but it's still difficult to ignore the fact that a third of our party's people voted for Brexit and seventy percent of Labour MPs took a different view to their constituents.

 All this could indicate that our  oppositionist  mentality drives us to take on the people as well as the Tories. Or it may indicate that a party which can and should do better than the EU for the workers, the unions and for racial harmony has come to believe that it will never hold power again to do it so we should  be grateful for any crumbs from the  table of an institution which has been so generous to Greece and other failures. 

 THIS could be  animal farm in reverse  with us turning into the Liberals and learning to love the institution which drains us of money, jobs and demand so that Labour's new destiny is to proclaim our Euro enthusiasm, join the Euro and  leap off the EU's naughty step  to lead the whole shambling mess in a British direction which its so obstinately refused to take for fourty years. 

Why all the fuss? The judges verdict that  Parliament should agree to giving notice under article fifty was treated as if it was the end of Brexit . In fact its only a statement of the bleeding obvious. Parliament should and parliament will consent. It  can't deny the verdict of the people and Labour dare not  face the early election which rejection would mean. Nor is it a statement that Parliament should dictate the terms of negotiations if only because it can't.To shackle our side  is to undermine our negotiators and create a Euro fifth column suporting a  Commission which doesn't have a similar disloyal pack hounding its heels and proclaiming that the other side is right in a recreation of Munch's Primal Scream

We could hardly do that and get the best deal for Britain as the people have commissioned us to do. It's only  when the negotiating game of two sided bluff  produces a compromise that Parliament can decide and the proposals  be put to the people to tell us  whether it fulfils their desire to take back control.

 That will be 2019. Just before an election scheduled for 2020. By that  time the world will have changed in ways no one can now foretell  I can't predict the outcome Nor can the Rampant remainers who claim to be  clairvoyant so they can tell us right now that we'll get nowt. I may not have their powers but  I do know that it's better to wait and decide then, rather than indulging  now in an over emotional war of hypothetical nightmares which will go on for the next two and a half years. Shut up the lot of you.